So in my last testimony I talked about the feelings of being unworthy and to some degree that will always be true for me. The only difference is that now I know that it’s God/ Jesus who makes me worthy and therefore how our feel doesn’t matter.
Despite all that, I’ve always struggled with the idea of being a leader in any capacity, which is pretty strange when you think of many the job roles I’ve taken, such as teacher, foster parent, and online tutor, all involve using some kind of leadership skills.
My feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness usually come out when I see myself as a leader or try to be one, because I think if I am not worthy or skilled in myself, how can I even begin to lead others. Yet a few weeks ago something happened that changed my perspective entirely.
It all started on the first day of our new church plant. Our church group had started up a new church and it was our first official day of service. So the pastor talked about a guy in the bible called Gideon, who was asked by God to destroy Jericho. Gideon doubted that he could be the one to do what God had asked because of his lack of skills and thought God had put too much faith in him.
I really related to this so much because I see God as this amazing figure, the creator of the universe and good in all things. I struggle to think what he could require of little old me. Anyway right in the midst of this local challenge, I accidentally got caught up in local politics.
A major new road change was about to be brought in by the council in my local area and I’d had no knowledge of it prior to a press release. The road change would block off easy access to my gym, my hairdressers and also affect countless other people in the area. So, in opposition of it I started an online petition for that area.
The petition exploded and suddenly lots of people were telling me, it’s not just the local area, the whole of Warrington will be affected. I listened to what people were saying and decided we need a place where we could all mobilise and work collectively on this, so I and two other people set up a public Facebook campaign group and within 24 hours it had 3000 people in it.
Then I met up with the two other campaign co-founders and put to them the idea of a peaceful protest, which we all agreed up on. We also had a fantastic idea for visual campaign along with a lot of public feedback. In the process of liaising with the police, inviting people to the protest and also talking to the local media, it suddenly struck me.
I’d always been adverse to being a leader yet here I was helping to lead a campaign because I have so much passion for social justice. Yet it also occurred to me that I would be expected to lead this campaign and we were looking at approximately 300 people plus attending.
“I’d never fasted before and thought it would be a huge challenge for me.”
R.E hARPER
As the protest drew closer so did my nerves and I spent a lot of time in prayer trying to instil God’s peace into myself and what I was doing. On the day of the protest I was taking the kids to school while thinking about how I was going to be able to do what was expected of me and suddenly I heard God speak clearly into my heart.
“Rachael, I want you to fast”
I hold my hands up! Though fasting is a big part of my faith, I had never done it before because I have a major issue where food is concerned; it’s my biggest emotional comfort! I don’t drink a lot, I don’t smoke and I have a very busy life so despite knowing it’s very bad I tend to use food as a crutch. Therefore God asking me to do this was no little thing and I actually said to him in my spirit “God is that you are your sure?” God answer couldn’t have been clearer:-
“Rachael, you know my voice; fast!”
I knew it was what I had to do if I wanted God to give me his strength tonight then I had to take a big step of faith towards him first. I asked God to give me the strength to follow in his will and to my surprise the fasting did not bother me one little bit. I think there was just once when I walked into the kitchen to get something that I thought of food. I was so busy the rest of the time that I just didn’t have time to be worrying about it.
When I turned up at the protest, I was incredibly nervous because of how many people were there; about 300! They were all looking for me to say something and I wasn’t sure if what I had to say would come out clearly or come out like word vomit.
Yet, as soon as I stepped up to speak to all of these people, I just felt such strength and conviction within me; I was exactly where I was meant to be doing exactly what I was meant to be doing. Everything I wanted to say came out well and everything that I wanted to do, I did in a good way. That hardly ever happens in my life, where I feel so connected with what I am doing in that moment, and I knew it could only be God working through me.
We managed to get one part of the road plan paused which is great, but it went ahead in another area, so our fight continues. Our campaign now has 6000 plus people in it now and we’re in this for the long haul, because I am strong believer in democracy and social justice. What’s even more empowering is that God is using me to speak up for people whose voices have been silenced for far too long. I never ever thought that could happen, would happen, or has happened, but my God really can do anything!!
If anything about my testimony has made you want to know about walking in faith or you are curious about what Jesus can do for you. Click the photo below.
